Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
