is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
vagina is talking i cant
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
