i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
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Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
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Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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