um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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