I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
