whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
