Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
