I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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