im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
