just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
