Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
