Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
