There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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