I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
