Even the bartender felt bad for me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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