when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
