I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
