The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
