i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
