come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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