I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Operation Purity has been aborted
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Two words: nipple clamps
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
