I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
