Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
