At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
