I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
