I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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