a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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