Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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