I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
