I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize