i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
