Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
