Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
