Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
