so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
