I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I need moral support for this bender
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
