Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
