We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…