I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.