Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
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You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.