im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD