It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
