Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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