She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
