STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
