I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize