I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
