My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
