she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
