You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize