I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
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I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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