It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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