My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
