well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
