I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
