Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
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You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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