i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
