that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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