Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
