never play flip cup with pint glasses
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
