Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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