we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
God, you're like boner-b-gone
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
