Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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