I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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