it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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