pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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