I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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