ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
